It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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