man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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