biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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