Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
