I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
