I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I love you.
Bad choice
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
