girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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