The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
