Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The uberlube is also flammable
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Congratulations! We have a period
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