it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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