How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you had me at cake vodka
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My vagina is very pro this idea
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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