we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She just used a chaser for red wine.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
