I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
