Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
