Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
