Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
