i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
