sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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