i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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