I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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