don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
