I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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