The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i used baking grease as lip gloss
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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