Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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