ya dads aren't the best wingmen
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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