How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
