i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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