I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My ass is underappreciated
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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