a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
