I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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