I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
