He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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