weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
