I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
