And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
