Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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