i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
