Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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