Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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