He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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