I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
