Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
