She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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