somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
