Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
