Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
