I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
