I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
