dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
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theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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