Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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