Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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