We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
