Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think my fart just growled at me.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
