I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
how drunk are you?
Several
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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