had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
