god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
