I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize