I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
