Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have feelings that need drinking.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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