No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
