Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
