I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
