you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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