summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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