Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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