when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
