Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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