Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
