so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
