I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
