Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so let's talk penis.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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