So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
