Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
