I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
