i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
