i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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