so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
