So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
