I showed him my bush... on skype.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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