Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
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She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
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All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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